1. |
Home
03:24
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How did I come to stay
This isn't what I'm used to
What words can I unsay
When they all came from you
I know I'm not the only one
Who had to run away
But I've tamed myself to know
What I shouldn't do
Finding home
Finding home
And where does this road begin
'Cause I've been wandering
Too far for far too long
Can't get air with my breath breaking
I can feel my chest cave in
Still my heart's holding on
And I don't want to talk about love
'Cause the one I'm dreaming of
Is somehow here and gone
Finding home
Finding home
Ooh- where does this road begin?
‘Cause I've been wandering
Too far for far too long
And you- you're gonna do me in
Where have you been?
Where will I find you trying to hold on?
Finding home
Finding home
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2. |
Cost of Living
03:00
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Held by air
An hour before dawn
I knew you'd find me there
Too tired to carry on another night, I swear
It's not the way I thought I'd get your care
Because when I dwell,
The bass strings in my chest break where your cold hand fell
Don't wish me all the best when I can't wish you well
I'm trying to shake the stories I can't tell
And tell me now,
Could this be the cost of living
Trying to drown it out
To forget without forgiving
And I wonder now
Because I'm trying to stay aware
How could I be hiding
If I know you'll find me there
Heavy tears
Or scattered coins in rain
What have I earned this year
The seasons feel the same, seasons of shame my dear
I'm trying to find the sunshine if it's near
In light of day,
The shadows in your eyes will never fade away
They're veiled by the disguise of all the things you say
I'm trying to find the strength to look away, now
And tell me now
Could this be the cost of living
Trying to drown it out
To forget without forgiving
And I wonder now
Because I'm trying to stay aware
How could I be hiding
If I know you'll find me there
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3. |
Light of the Moon
03:39
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He looks to you
And understands your constrain
I see right through
His shadows are all the same
What's left to live up to
When everyone knows his shame
Am I the fool for warning you all the same
Now you're walking in the middle of dusk and dawn
Will you carry on
Or will you be gone
How far will the heart go to see beyond
What's been holding on
Light of the moon
The dark is now closing around you
And it's coming too soon
It's not taking its time to surround you
Don't fall for it now
Don't turn where there's no one to look to
And now if you come ‘round I hope you're not bound by what got to you
Do you know fear?
Do you know what questions burn?
Do you know tears?
Or the seasons of rain he's earned?
And is what you dread
So different from what he yearns?
Don’t run ahead
When you don't know where to turn
Now you're walking in the middle of dusk and dawn
Will you carry on
Or will you be gone
How far will the heart go to see beyond
What's been holding on
Light of the moon
The dark is now closing around you
And it's coming too soon
It's not taking its time to surround you
Don't fall for it now
Don't turn where there's no one to look to
And now if you come ‘round I hope you're not bound by what got to you
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4. |
Vow
03:53
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Now I’m through
Falling under the wheels you turn
Turn on me talk my love now
Tell me of all the things you’ll do
Never knew
How to move past the bridge I burned
See these embers, they are my vow
Won’t be found where you’re going to
Keep your time
‘Cause mine is gone and taken
Yet I can’t find where it begins
And even though the hands of memory circle my skin
Keep your time
‘Cause mine is gone and taken
Now I’m through
Falling under the wheels you turn
Turn on me talk my love now
Tell me of all the things you’ll do
Never knew
How to move past the bridge I burned
See these embers, they are my vow
Won’t be found where you’re going to
Keep your smoke and mirrors
I don’t need to break them
This is not a place for magic anymore
And every word you spoke becomes a fragment on the floor
Keep your smoke and mirrors
I don’t need to break them
Now I’m through
Falling under the wheels you turn
Turn on me talk my love now
Tell me of all the things you’ll do
Never knew
How to move past the bridge I burned
See these embers, they are my vow
Won’t be found where you’re going to
Keep your voice
From where my heart can hear it
It’s your own choice that’s gone and let you down
And now your echo rings to me much sweeter than your sound
Keep your voice from where my heart can hear it
Now I’m through
Falling under the wheels you turn
Turn on me talk my love now
Tell me of all the things you’ll do
Never knew
How to move past the bridge I burned
See these embers, they are my vow
Won’t be found where you’re going to
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5. |
Outside
03:52
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Found a feeling when I saw your face
We'd both lived long in an unsafe place but I loved you
Here I love you now
Now you're ripping at the seams and you're sounding mad
Now a shadow's in my dreams like the one you had
And turn into now
So if this is goodbye then I want you to know
That your pain cuts deep and I can't let go
Oh oh oh oh oh oh,
oh oh oh
You won’t hear what I say you won’t come out of hiding
It hurts too much from the outside-in
It hurts too much from the outside-in
All the time you could take
All the years gone by
I’m tired of the wait
You’re fighting fears in a fable
I can’t stand it anymore
I’m wiping tears from the table
You’re fighting fears in a fable
I can’t stand it anymore
I’m wiping tears from the table
I can’t stand it anymore
I’m wiping tears from the table
I can’t stand it anymore
I’m wiping tears from the table
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6. |
Hello Stranger
03:25
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Are you someone I once knew
Do you hide the way that I do
Or are you a stranger
Do you run the way I would
But do you fight the way I wish I could
Or are you a stranger
Hello stranger
You're where I stood
Hello stranger
You're where I stood
And I know what you call upon,
What you need to help you carry on,
Stranger
And will that end when you begin,
The losing game you tell yourself you win
Until you’re a stranger
Hello stanger,
How have you been
Hello stranger
How have you been
Hello stranger
How have you been
When you play away your shame,
Will your word still carry on my name
Or are you just a stranger
Hello stranger
You look the same
Hello stranger
You look the same
Hello stranger
You look the same
Hello stranger
You look the same
Hello stranger
You look the same
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7. |
Know the Game
03:37
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What should I make
Of the constant turns you take
All the twists of your storm
Quiet as moonlight
And here we burn slow
And now the days are getting old for you I know
And they close around you
Waiting for midnight
And I know your heart
I see the pain you can’t undo
I’ve played this part
I know the game
It’s nothing new
And when you depart the hate you claim will run right through
You know it will run through
And if I followed your call
Would my back be against the wall again
Where do you draw the line
Between the quiet and the end
And the muses are they screaming your name?
Do you refuse them all the same?
Are you undone?
Do you pretend to know the pain?
I know your heart
I see the pain you can’t undo
I’ve played this part
I know the game
It’s nothing new
And when you depart the hate you claim will run right through
You know it will run through
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8. |
Lavender
03:20
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Ooh,
The time is quickly fading
With the words you say
Will you just be a memory waiting
To come and haunt me with the ghost of yesterday?
I - I’ve learned to go before I try to stay
And I - I know how a heavy heart leaves
Not like the ones who wait and still get swept away
Lavender burning so slow
Stillness how sweet the allure in the fields that you grow
She’s falling faster than she thinks I know
How can I run from her with nowhere to go
Ooh,
The time is quickly fading
With the words you say
And you you’ll be a memory waiting
To come and haunt me with the ghost of yesterday
I - I hope I’m gone before I try to stay
I know how a heavy heart leaves
Not like the ones who wait and still get swept away
Lavender burning so slow
How sweet the allure in all that I won’t show
I’m falling faster than I think she knows
How can I run from her with nowhere to go
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9. |
Go Now
02:08
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Oh my love
Where did you go
Was there too much in my head to keep you close
And the more I think about it
The less I seem to know
And now I sit here waiting for the day you come back home
Ouh, ouh, ouh
Oh my love
What do you see
When you catch me breaking the waves I shouldn't be
You want me to explain myself
But I don't have the need
Between us I'm just looking for a reason to be free
Go now
Go now
Go now
Go now
Go now
Go now
Go now
Go now
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Russell Louder Montreal, Québec
Russell Louder is a trans Performance Artist and musician from Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, now based in Montreal, Québec.
(pronoun: they/them/their)
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